Why Friendship Matters More Than We Think

Kellie Varlet
Jul 9
3 min read

The wellness ingredient nobody puts on their meal plan.

There's a Piece Missing From the Wellness Conversation

We talk about wellness like it's a personal project. Your steps, your sleep, your nutrition, your training plan. And all of those things matter.

But somewhere in all of that, one thing keeps getting left out. And it might be the piece that holds everything else together.

Connection.

The real kind. The friend who texts to see if you're coming. The familiar face in your class who'd notice if you weren't there. The walking buddy who makes Tuesday mornings something you actually look forward to.

That's wellness too. As much as any workout or a good night's sleep.

What Happens When You Add People to the Equation

Most of us know what it feels like to try and stay consistent alone. You wake up, you're tired and the only person you're letting down is yourself. So, you roll over.

But add someone else and the dynamic changes completely.

A friend waiting at the gate. A class buddy who'd notice your absence. Someone you've already told your plan to. Suddenly the excuses don't hold up as well. Not because you're afraid of disappointing them, but because you don't want to miss out on the thing you do together.

That's just friendship doing what friendship has always done. Making hard things easier by not doing them alone.

What the Research Is Telling Us

Australia's own HILDA survey — one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies of Australian life, following the same 16,000 people every year since 2001 — found that agreement with the statement "I seem to have a lot of friends" has fallen noticeably from 2010 to 2023. And the consequences are real.

Fewer friends means:

fewer social activities
greater feelings of loneliness
and poorer mental health.

All the more concerning because it often gets harder to make friends as life goes on.

The same survey found that among women, psychological distress was lower for those who saw family and friends at least once a week compared to those who did so only once every three months or less. Once a week. Not a huge ask. But the difference it makes is measurable.

A UNSW study adds to this, finding that older Australians who interacted more frequently with friends, neighbours and community members experienced fewer symptoms of depression both at the start of the study and six years later. Even modest increases in social interaction had measurable benefits on mental health over time.

Want to read the research?

HILDA Survey findings: https://theconversation.com/fewer-friends-more-time-stress-the-essential-charts-from-this-years-hilda-survey-265475
UNSW social connection study: https://www.unsw.edu.au/news/2026/01/stronger-social-connections-linked-to-better-mental-health-in-older-australians-twin-study

A Little Goes a Long Way

A walking partner twice a week. A text to someone after your session. One person in your class you've clicked with.

That's enough to change how consistently you show up.

You don't need a whole community to feel the difference. Just one person moving in a similar direction to yours. Someone who makes the habit easier just by being part of it.

And if you're not sure who that person is yet, it's worth thinking about. Because the data and the lived experience point to the same thing. We do better together. Almost every single time.

What Years of Teaching Has Shown Me

The classes where people keep coming back week after week, year after year, are the ones where people have found their people.

Where someone saves a spot. Where the chat before class is part of the whole reason for being there.

Movement brought them in. Connection kept them there.

That's the part no fitness plan ever really accounts for. And after years of watching it play out, I'd argue it might be the most important part of all.

Where to Start This Week

Think of one person who makes your healthy habits easier just by being around. Someone who'd walk with you, show up alongside you, notice if you went quiet.

Reach out this week. A simple check in. A plan for something small.

Showing up for someone else has a funny way of making you show up for yourself more consistently than you ever did alone.